Support for families impacted by child sexual abuse is essential

I was in London last week participating in a conference on how we can better help families, particularly mothers who have a child that has been sexually abused. It was called Falling Through the Cracks and was ably hosted by Jackie Long, the social affairs editor of Channel 4 News.    

It is a very sensitive subject that most of us do not want to talk about or even contemplate can happen. I heard from researchers, police, MPs and parents. Many people may not want to read my column this week as it's really shocking to those who have or have not been affected.  

One of the scenarios we discussed was if your child disclosed to you something that had happened to them, how would you respond? The natural thought is you'd call the police, but many parents and carers explained that they spent time listening and believing their child before taking any immediate action, other than sometimes wanting to confront their partners/ husbands or the perpetrator. 

We hear a lot about child exploitation and people from outside of the family taking advantage of children. However, the majority is linked within the home. 

According to data from the Centre of Expertise on Child Sexual Abuse, one in 10 children that we are aware of via agencies will be sexually abused before the age of 16.   

Andrew Kelso, a consultant neurologist, explained that a parent's trauma is different to that of the actual victim but can be as intense. Also, it was pointed out how the first people who respond to the reported crime and how they act and deal with the victim can make a huge difference to them. However, there is little support for parents trying to help their child navigate the family’s lives after the crimes.  

I raised the issue of shame and embarrassment and that the fact that we have Sexual Assault Referral Centres (SARCs) for adults and children in locations we do not actively promote which only adds to this. Of course, we want children to feel comfortable and have dignity, but it starts at the beginning that it's something else you should keep secret; just like their perpetrators wanted them to.  

At the conference, I was sitting with two mothers, one whose daughter had been abused by her new husband. The other’s daughter had been raped by a multiple sexual offender. Both parents took steps to protect their daughters immediately. However, sometimes the policing response and victim updates were lacking.  

I will always say to any victim of crime that you can come to my office to flag poor service before putting in a complaint as I am happy to raise your concerns with the Chief Constable. It's up to him to act or not but sometimes things do fall through the cracks and need a bit of stronger oversight. I tend to find that our residents do not take advantage of this route too often as it is through exasperation that they come to me. But this is why I am here.  

I was pleased to introduce one of the mothers who had received a less than satisfactory service to the Chief Constable of Essex Police, Ben-Julian Harrington, who was at the event.  He spent the whole lunch break listening to her concerns. She felt a sense of relief and an opportunity to put things right. 

The event had cross-party support and it was interesting to hear from Jess Phillips MP, Minister for Safeguarding about her experience and knowledge in this area. Jess Asato, MP for Lowestoft, highlighted her amendment to the Victim and Courts Bill that there should be a statutory duty to commission services to support a parent, guardian or responsible adult where the victim is under 18, or an adult at risk of harm and who has been a victim of sexual or violent crime. I'll be asking all of our MPs to support her amendment.  

If you were a parent in these circumstances, what would you need? Especially if you didn't have family close by or friends to ask for help. The shame a child feels is often felt by the parent too.  

For the first time on stage, I had tears in my eyes after hearing an actor speak the words of a father who had found his daughter attempting suicide after abuse. He was angry that he didn't know how to spot the signs or better support his daughter.  

That's why it's important to have a service available. This year, for the first time, my office has funded multi-award-winning service Restitute which offers practical and personalised help across England and Wales to third-party victims of crime which includes parents, carers, partners, siblings and loved ones.    

If you would like some frank advice and a confidential service to be honest about your struggles with people who understand then please contact them. Do not let yourself fall through the cracks.

To get in touch with Restitute, please visit https://restitute.org or email ceo@restitute.org